Good Lord, It's Hot!

Ooooh man it's hot out. I just checked the thermometer and it's like, 104 outside right now. It's so not even summer yet!

Kailyn and I have been hanging out in the pool on and off today. She's taking a nap right now. Her little shoulders got sunburned, poor thing. She seems to be more sensitive to the sun than I am.. us pale redheads don't do well with the sun heh. I'll have to get some higher SPF for her.

Scott is also asleep. His allergies have been terrible all day. I gave him some Benedryl and Benji is asleep on his chest. They're cute.

Adam just called to see if he should rally the troops for a mini potluck or something. It could be fun. I'm sure they'll all get together anyway. At this point it's probably just about if they're coming to my house or going to Adam's. *looks around* It is pretty clean... and if I supply the house, then I don't have to cook. Hehe. I don't feel like getting out of my chair.

I think it's a good day for a BBQ.

How's the weather in the rest of the world?

Oh, Hi Subconscious...

So, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately (you know, that almost always winds up being a bad idea). I'm coming up on the 4 year mark since I left Boston. I think that was one of the best things I could have done for myself. Sometimes it feels like I gave up and ran away, but really... I think I removed myself from a bad situation because I knew that no good could come from staying. The two options might look similar but I think there's a big difference.

The weeks I spent wandering helped me figure out what I needed to change about myself, and what hidden traits I had that I needed to polish. Self-reflection rocks.

The time that I spent in New Mexico was a MAJOR part of my healing process. I figured out so many things about myself. I made some friends that I know will always be there for me. I realized that I am capable of being in love, and trusting people, and caring about someone else without forgeting Jules. I learned the value of taking things day by day, but still having some sort of very tentative, flexable plan. The only new scar I gained there was a physical one from a freak accident involving a switchblade, but no emotional ones.

Bringing Kailyn home when her dad died helped me grow in tremendous ways. It's amazing how much I matured as soon as I held her in my arms and realized that this crazy, tiny little person had instantly become my whole entire world. I hadn't been strong enough to grow in ways that I needed to grow for myself, but I was more than willing to do it for her, and I sometimes feel that while she was originally a large part of what almost killed me, in the long run, she saved my life.

Now that I'm here in Arizona, I feel like I'm ready to start a real LIFE for myself. I finally feel like I have something to look forward too. I feel like a whole person, instead of just fragments of one.

This is a great feeling.