Brain Shift - Oh Hai, I'm Pregnant.

So, now that the wedding has happened, all I can think about now is Peanut. It's a rather amazing thing, how quickly my head changed gears. The wedding feels like it was forever ago sometimes.

Ah, the wedding was perfect though! Kailyn was an angel, the catering didn't explode, my cake was delicious, and it was great to have so many of my friends together all at the same time. And, of course, marrying the most amazing man I've ever met wasn't bad either.

We had a blast on the honeymoon, too. My friend Anna and her husband and baby stayed at the house for us, and took care of Kailyn and Benji for us and we went San Diego and Los Angeles.

San Diego is beautiful! Coronado is adorable, I'd move there in a heartbeat ;) Los Angeles was fun to visit, for a few days. We had a good time. I don't think I need to go back to LA, ever, though.

And now, we're back home, and prepping for Peanut's arrival in January. I feel like I'm so behind on everything, because I kept putting off planning cause of the wedding. It'll work out though!

I went to the doctor for another routine checkup yesterday, and she said Peanut is doing fantastic, and that I'm doing fantastic, and everything looks normal. Scott and I have picked a name, too. Well, we've narrowed it down to two anyway. That's pretty impressive I think.

I'm so happy I think I could pop!

Pre-wedding Thoughts

I'm getting married tomorrow.

What a strange journey it was to here. It's amazing how much has happened in the past 6 years, since I left Boston. Tomorrow I turn the page, and start a new chapter. Tonight, an old chapter ends, one that I'm not sad to see go.

People have been asking me all week, "Hey Jules, are you nervous yet?" and every time the answer has been no. No, I'm not.

Perhaps other people get nervous because they wonder if they're making the right choice. I don't have to wonder; I know that I am.

Scott is an amazing man. He's always there when somebody needs a shoulder, a friend, or anything else. He puts his whole heart and soul into everything he does. He's kind, and patient, and loving. He's got a small devilish streak and a gleam in his eye that keeps things fun. Of course he's not perfect. I don't want perfect though. Perfect is just a load of crap bound to come up sooner or later anyway.

Perhaps nerves from not being sure if they're ready to give up the "single" life. Mine can go, please.

Being a single mother was the most stressful task I've ever, and likely ever will, take on. It was terrifying not having someone else to turn to when I was second guessing my methods- I had no idea what to do with a kid (heh. I still barely do!). I hated having to do all the discipline, and always be the bad guy, and still try to be the good guy; to not be too hard on Kailyn when I was the only person around to deal with it and my temper was getting the best of me. For Kailyn to not have a positive male influence in her life.. it killed me. And in the back of my mind was always "what if something happens to me? What happens to Kailyn?". Scott will be legally adopting Kailyn and it's a huge relief to me. She adores him, he adores her.. this is the kind of family I wanted. Peanut will only make it better.

Before Kailyn was a mess of drugs and booze and meaningless sex. There was aimless wandering, a sense of no home, no where to go, nobody that cared, or understood, and all that other teenage angst type crap. Never need any of that again. Happy to forget it. Nasty breakups, bad relationships, and all the other "joys" of single life, nope, won't miss them, though I am thankful for them because they taught me things I needed to know.

Scott fills in the blanks in me. He balances my negatives. He doesn't let my temper get to him when it gets the best of me. When he looks at me, there's so much love in his eyes, more than I could have ever imagined was possible. I can think of nothing more that I want than to have him with me, always.

Why would I be nervous? Tomorrow, the best part of my life begins.

Here's hoping I don't trip, and that the caterers are all on time!

School, Already? Seriously?

When I was a kid, school didn't start until September. Kailyn starts kindergarten on Monday. Yes, halfway through August. I'd be more annoyed at her opposition to this idea if I didn't think it was bullshit myself haha.

We went school supply shopping today (because I am the Queen of Last Minute [actually, to be honest, I hadn't realized school started this Monday until about 3 hours ago]) and I tried to explain this "real school" concept to her.

Kailyn is all kinds of into comparisons right now. When I told her about her future sibling and was trying to describe what having a baby in the house was going to mean, she understood it best when it was summed it up as "Remember when we got the puppy and Mommy had to spend all her time chasing him around and cleaning up after him, and you got less attention than you used to? It's kind of like that, but longer". So, I took a similar approach to kindergarten.

"It's kind of like your daycare was, except Mommy will not be able to randomly keep you home some days, and you'll have to sit still and learn things instead of playing all day."

She decided she didn't like that idea. Of course. We managed to survive supply shopping with our sanity intact but the idea of dragging an angry red-headed child through the mall for clothes didn't sound appealing at all, so we're home again for the time being.

I suspect she may have just been tired, because she fell asleep on the couch as soon as we walked in the door, but I really hope she grows more okay with the idea by Monday. We'll try the clothes shopping later.

One battle at a time.

Short, Random Thoughts

Today, Scott asked my opinion on various car seats and strollers he looked at online last night. I told him I could only concentrate on one thing at a time and that I don't even want to think about shopping for Peanut until after the wedding. For the love of God, cut me some slack here.

--------------------

Turns out Kailyn is horrible allergic to bee stings. We found this out the hard way and spent all day in the hospital yesterday. It was not fun. She's fine now, though. Benji saved her, I knew he was the best dog on the planet!

--------------------

I woke up this morning, and it was obvious that I'm pregnant. I swear yesterday I was skinny; baby bump developed overnight. What are you doing in there, Peanut?! Scott thinks it's adorable and has been rubbing my stomach every time I get up.

--------------------

I started a personal music project today. I'm on vacation from work now and it's been too long since I wrote something just because I wanted to.

--------------------

I start my Pregnant Yoga class tomorrow. I don't know the first damn thing about tiny babies and this seems like a good place to meet new people, that will also have tiny babies that they might not know anything about.

... for those that are new here and wonder how I have a 5 year old and don't know anything about babies, it's because she was with her father shortly after birth until she was almost two. That's a blog entry for another day.

--------------------

I hate taking prenatal vitamins.

--------------------

Needles: 1 - Kailyn: 0

My daughter is not scared of needles in that way that many children are- rather, she just thinks they're disgusting, much like bugs. It's rather strange.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, she asked me if she could get her ears pierced. I was not prepared to answer that question. I hadn't had her ears pierced when she was a baby, and figured I'd just let her do it when she was old enough to want them and ask. Silly me, I expected that to be closer to when she was 10, not 5 and a half.

I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised though. I mean, Mommy has lots of holes in her ears (and other visible places), and all her friends do, etc.

However, being as I was caught off guard, my response was "... if you still want them next week, ask again, k?"

So every couple of days it was "Mommy, has it been a week yet?" "Not yet love."

After her week was finally up and she still wanted them and remembered to ask again (I don't know why I thought she might forget!), I told her she could, but she had to go ask Adam (a friend of Scott and I, does piercings for a living, is Kailyn's BFF, she adores him) nicely if he would do it for her. So she did, and he said of course, and we went into the shop a couple days ago.

We got there, and Adam plops her onto a big cushy chair. He's getting stuff prepped and showing her everything and explaining what it's for.. then he gets to the needle and Kailyn goes,

"Wait a minute. Nobody said anything about needles!"

I tried really hard not to roll my eyes at her and said that it wasn't that bad, and of course there were needles involved, it's a hole and how did she think it was going to get there? She sullenly replied with "you didn't tell me!"

So I pulled out my pocket dictionary (it's this new game we're playing, where Mommy uses real logic and Immovable Forces like definitions to prove her point haha) and read her the definition of "Pierce".

Her response to that was, "Ewwww. Nevermind, let's go home."

It Looks Like A Peanut

Or rather, it did, when I first started referring to it as Peanut, anyway. It just dawned on me that I never blogged about it; Scott and I are expecting a baby in mid-January! I'm 15 weeks now and getting really excited to find out if Peanut is a boy or a girl.

We're not moving the wedding; it's still in September. I'll just have to be more flexible with my dress ideas (since I'll have something of a belly by then) and we'll have to play the honeymoon by ear. The doctor says that the way things are progressing now, I should be fine to travel in September, but it's still a little ways away so we'll see.

Scott is really excited. I'm really excited; we talked about having kids so it's not a "woah omg kid!" kind of thing like with Kailyn, though I must admit, I would have preferred to be pregnant this time NEXT year... I'm selfish and want him to myself a little longer. Oh well. Kailyn is taking it well... so far. We'll see what happens as my stomach gets bigger, and after Peanut is born.

Here's an ultrasound from a few weeks ago; this is why I call it Peanut.



So far it's been a fairly easy pregnancy. I had some pretty bad "morning" (more like all-day!) sickness in the beginning, but that calmed down a lot. Now it's occasional queasiness but I'm not puking all the time anymore, and the car doesn't make me sick, which is awesome. I'm still tired all the time, but I chalk a lot of that up to having to chase Kailyn around.

So, that's what's new with me :) How's everybody else?

Wedding Planning Craziness

Planning a wedding, holy crap, is pretty much the most stressful thing imaginable. Or, at least, planning mine right now is.

I was on a roll, and then everything came to a screeching halt. Scott's dad passed away and I've been trying to take care of everyone. It's getting better every day though. I was going to delay the wedding but Scott doesn't want to.

So I'm trying to be glue and plan my wedding at the same time.

My friend Anna is going to make my dress but I've been looking at dresses anyway, for ideas. I really like this ballet-inspired wedding dress. Maybe with a corset-style top.

I've put my friend Crystal in charge of the flowers... she's a florist for one, and I really kind of hate flowers, and would rather not have to look at a million to pick the bouquets.

Cakes... hah. My friend Anna complained while she was planning her wedding that oddly enough, the worst part was picking a cake, and that she got tired of tasting them. While I don't completely understand how one gets tired of tasting cakes, I can see how it's a rough choice, cause holy crap they are ALL delicious. Why don't birthday cakes taste as good as wedding cakes??

September 19th is still kind of far away but it feels like it's rushing at me like a speeding train.